Michael Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
The next day, as Michael prepared to meet Anahida at The Swan Room, he was outrivaled by manic thoughts. He was in a sort of realm of fantasy, a fantasy that extended beyond the borders of his rationality. Sometimes the rational mind can contain the fantasy, sometimes it is overwhelmed by it.
The fantasy was that this meeting with Anahida was fated, it was in the cards as they say. He thought about Anahida often during his relationship with Lisa. He thought about her with longing and sadness and a part of him, deep in the something dark corners of his mind, he wondered if he had fumbled the love of his life. He often wondered if he was a fumbler…no, he often feared he was a fumbler… (more on this later). Then he thought about uncondition. Remember uncondition? What if this meeting was exactly that? The feeling that never left…the feeling that couldn’t be sabotaged…
The mania filled his mind, he tried to fight it half-heartedly, he mostly indulged in it, like when you take too much Adderall and chain-smoke cigarettes and get nothing done but you feel like you’re doing something…
As he drove to East Hollywood, he wondered what they’d talk about. He decided he would not tell her about Lisa, he wasn’t even sure she knew about Lisa or anything about his life for that matter, they had totally lost touch. What he knew of Anahida was that she was married with two kids. Maybe this was no longer the case. Maybe she wanted to reconnect. He would take care of Anahida’s kids as his own, he would.
As he tried to find parking, he tried to conjure up a memory of their relationship, but nothing was coming up. What were the defining aspects of their dynamic? He couldn’t remember. Did they share any meaningful moments? Nothing he could think of. What did Anahida mean to him? Loss.
He walked into The Swan Room and texted: here. He felt his heart beating and tried to calm himself with a technique he learned when he was a kid called “floating” where you float above your feelings, then you even float above your body, whatever you do you make sure you don’t SINK INTO your feelings. But the fantasy, (the overwhelming fantasy), encouraged him to go ahead and sink into the feeling because Anahida would meet him there. He spotted her sitting with her back towards him, he recognized her black curly hair.
“Hey” he said walking towards her, “I texted you, I texted you ‘here’.”
“I don’t have a phone…or I do, but I check it only a few times a month,” she said.
“Really? How do you live in the real world?”
“Well, I guess I don’t,” she laughed.
Michael was happy. He felt it by the immense feeling of wanting to please. He wanted to make Anahida happy, furthermore he wanted to be the source of Anahida’s happiness. This is what love was…maybe. He hadn’t been this excited about anything in a long long time. He almost couldn’t believe he was reunited with Anahida, the Goddess. An ancient Persian Goddess. She was perhaps the most beautiful woman he had ever been with, perhaps this was one defining aspect of their relationship, her captivating beauty. She had an old world face, the kind of face you would find in old paintings, and she had deep dark eyes that understood and communicated without words.
Introducing the Anahida Sculpture – a divine embodiment of Persian beauty and grace. This exquisite sculpture pays homage to Anahida, the ancient Persian goddess associated with fertility, water, and wisdom. Meticulously crafted, the sculpture captures the goddess’s ethereal presence with intricate details and a timeless aesthetic. Elevate your space with the enchanting energy of Anahida, a symbol of femininity and divine power. Whether displayed as a centerpiece or a cherished addition to your collection, this sculpture invites you to connect with the mystique and reverence of Persian mythology. Bring the essence of the Persian goddess into your surroundings, celebrating a rich cultural heritage with this stunning piece of art. $193.85 shopipersia.com
“How are you?” she asked.
“I’m great, how are you?” He responded.
“I’m great too.”
He couldn’t help himself, “Well I’m not actually great, but I’m great right now, at this moment.”
Anahida smiled the knowing smile. It was all coming back, the tenderness.
“I was pleasantly surprised at your text,” she said.
“Yeah I thought… it’s been a while, wanted to check in,” Michael laughed, trying to sound casual.
“Sure has.”
“I was also pleasantly surprised… that you wanted to meet up,” he said.
“Oh yeah, I felt called to”
“Called to?”
“Yeah like something in me…insisted, a voice,” she said.
“So it wasn’t you, it was A Voice.”
“Yes, precisely, but the voice usually knows my heart better than me.”
“Just to be clear, we’re talking about…what exactly?”
“Voice,” Anahida said.
“I have a voice in my head too, manic voice.”
“You’re feeling manic?”
“A little. Mostly just excited,” he said.
“You should try and calm down.”
“Okay.” Michael obeyed The Goddess.
“I'm going through a really crazy breakup,” Michael blurted out. He told her everything. His plans of being stoic, being reserved, not revealing too much all came crumbling down.
When he finished, he immediately felt sick.
“What’s wrong?”
“I haven’t talked about it,” he said.
“With anyone?”
“I mean I talked about it but I was always talking about it in the sense that I was defending my decision, but now I’m talking about it in a sad way, kind of,” he said.
“It sounds sad,” she said.
“I mean I’m gonna take care of my kid, obviously.”
“Of course,” Anahida responded, gently. She was always so gentle, unlike Lisa who was aggressive and masculine. Michael had a feeling this had to do with the fact that Anahida came from money, and Lisa was a middle class striver at her core.
“How’s your life? Husband?” Michael asked.
“Yes! Husband, kids, it’s wonderful.”
“Oh…”
“What?” she asked.
“Nothing, I just wasn’t sure if you were still married,” he said, embarrassed.
He anticipated her next question, “why wouldn’t I be?” but it didn’t come. She didn’t say “why wouldn't I be?” she didn’t fake it, she understood, she knew he was wondering why she asked to meet up if she was happily married.
“Two people can just connect, it doesn’t have to be anything specific,” she finally said.
“I know. I know,” he said.
“And like I said, it wasn’t really my decision, it was The Voice, I mean it was my decision to obey the voice, you always have a choice,” she said.
“So about this voice…” Michael joked, implying lunacy.
“I guess I just mean that there are some things that are supposed to happen. In order to sustain a spiritual order, or a law,” she said.
“Hmm…” Michael said, “and us meeting up is sustaining this spiritual law?”
He didn’t quite understand what the hell she was talking about but he was finally remembering something, it was all coming back, the knowledge that he didn't have to understand because she would make him understand. She would turn the eyes of his soul in such a way that he will understand, she had done it many times before. Okay, it was all coming back.
They caught up on work, mutual friends, and memories, it was pleasant, and he did calm down. The fantasy was dying out because there was something more powerful emanating from Anahida, she was able to control his fantasy- something in Anahida was able to tame Michael’s fantasy- anchor him to the world. In this moment he accepted the fact that he was still in love with her, and he let this love act as a sort of screen that covered and protected his despair concerning the current state of his life. Love as a protective layer. Anahida coated Michael’s misery, spread over it, sealing it from harm of any external force. This was a coziness akin to love.
And there was also a familiarity, but one with respect, not the familiarity that made you want to act up and behave badly, you know what I’m talking about.
“So what do you do all day without a phone?” Michael asked.
“I guess I just sort of…vibe,” Anahida laughed, “no I mean I just tend to my life, my responsibilities, you know…”
“And your husband?”
“He’s more normal than I am,” she said.
“Hmm…” he said.
“I belong…to this group, it’s a workshop,” she finally said after some silence where they just looked at each other.
Michael gestured as in to say ok? Go on…
And so she told him. She told him everything. She told him that she belonged to a group, they called it a “workshop” called The Alchemy Society, led by a teacher named “Name” but they usually just called him “Teacher.”
“His name is Name?” Michael interjected…
“Yes, don’t make fun, it’s powerful, it references the idea that we are all given a name and there’s power in that and so to be called Name refers to the idea that we are all living in this world awaiting to be named or to be given an identity we can perform. But we just call him Teacher usually.”
Michael reminded himself: she will turn the eyes of my soul in such a way that I will understand, because I don’t understand right now.
“So it’s a cult!” He finally said.
“No, it’s not, well it is in the way that everything is a cult, even families…”
“You’re losing me here Ana,” he said.
“Remember when we watched the Yorgos Lanthimos movie, Dogtooth? That’s what that movie is basically about that all families are cults but no the workshop is not a cult,” she said.
“I don’t know if that’s what Dogtooth is about…but okay,” he said.
She explained that it wasn’t a cult, it was a workshop.
“It’s nothing like you’ve ever seen before. It’s a project. It’s a project of self-realization, self-overcoming. The name Alchemy Society is obviously a reference to the ancient practice of alchemy, turning base metals into gold. What the workshop is concerned with and what Teacher is concerned with is the transmutation of our base instincts into spiritual gold. He’s brilliant, Michael, you should meet him. You guys would really…vibe. The workshop combines the teachings of like…Jesus Christ, Buddha, and even some relatively modern writers like Carl Jung, Alan Watts and Florence Scovall Shinn. As well as some ancient alchemists, obviously.”
“obviously…” Michael said.
“Mostly we talk about The Great Vibration,” she continued, “which is The Source or God or whatever you want to call it, we talk about how to reach it, how to feed from it. I guess that’s kinda what I meant when I said I vibe without my phone and we talk about that too…the vibe as being sort of something that CAN’T be intellectualized. He wrote a book on vibes, it’s kind of what put him on the map.”
“Well, I’ve never heard of him. And you do realize how crazy your pitch was right? Like you sound like you’re in a cult, I mean Alan Watts?!” Michael said.
“It has really helped me with all my relationships. With my husband, my kids, even my parents and you know how difficult that was at certain points,” she said. “You should come to a meeting, I think it could help with what you’re feeling.”
“Does your husband come?”
“No, this is something I do on my own,” she said.
“Ok, I’ll come.”
“It really helps with putting things into perspective. Priorities, meaning. I really think you would benefit from it. It has changed my life,” she said.
“Ok, I said, I’ll come.”